I have been up and down, though mostly down. Started to wonder was the struggle worth it? Felt very unloved, unwanted and unworthy but thanks to friends I had previously underestimated i'm still here and feeling ok.
I have been trying to keep busy, went riding, dancing, seeing friends.... but I had the house to myself as my boyfriend is away and the lonely, dark nights have been really hard. By Wednesday I started using various sleeping tablets to make sure I slept right through and couldn't do anything stupid.
The GM diet went out the window. It has been all I can do just to remain in control. I started the week alternating between starving and binging but managed by Thursday to regain some control and have been restricting to around 600 calories.
Today and yesterday I have been keeping to a strict timetable to keep me busy and stop me binging. Over the weekend I'm working so i'm going to keep to my timetable - Just need to get to Monday, feel like a new week will be a new start and it'll become easier!
On a positive note I have discovered a fantastic new cleanse which i'm hoping will help me to come off the lax - watermelons. I have been eating 400grams a day (120 calories) and my word it works like the salt water flush but so much nicer and I feel hydrated rather than sluggish!
That is it for now. Stay strong xxx
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